To feel privlaged and to feel loved
to have been the only person someone shared intamacy with
is gone
to a boy who she knew would hurt her in the end
I was always there
I always cared
I guess nice guys do finish last

The days have been long
I dont think I have gotten much sleep. So much going on that I cant even think straight. I dont know. I need to make some major phone calls to those I have lost touch with. Im not ditching you and I dont hate you ive just had alot on my mind.

yea thats life for ya

Why are my best friend and the girl I will never stop loving hanging out and getting along like they have never had a fight before in their lives.

Let me post a question.
Why is it when you love someone, its always the wrong timing, or they are taken, or they just dont want a relationship right then? Why is it that everyone always misses their oppertunities?

Heres an update.
Happy?

I've made a pretty big decsion that i think is really going to effect the rest of my life. I think I am giving up on college. I got accepted. I dont want to get the loans to pay everything, i dont want to be in debt because of school for the rest of my life. Despite everyone elses wishes i feel like this is what i want to do. and for the first time i feel like i am making myself happy. I can still go so its not set in stone but i am serouisly considering.
im going to the beach saturday for ecsc. Me and Luke, meet us up there.
late

Its been a long time.
I thought i should update.
I really like summer.
I really hate school.
I got new pants.
Theres a whole in my sock.
My dog died.

thats it.

nothing constructive. Need I say more. No.

Not to much to say

I dont think this is working out. I mean the way things are.

I think Luke is pretty fine too. hahaha, man luke the women love you. haha

I met a girl at the beach her name is Amy, shes really nice.

I think life has finally taken a turn for the better.

too many remember whens are out there..im ready for some what if's.

That kind of loving
Ain't easily found
If he tells you he loves you
Don't turn him down
If he tells you he needs you
Don't turn around
He's one in a million
Don't turn him down
You better love him while you can
Or somebody's gonna steal that man
But you can't let go
And you won't let him in

^ Think about it.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.




THE END

I love how some girls simply cannt grip reality. They seem to think the world they live in is all they need. For some reason I seem to play a role in this girls world. The role of the boy who cares about her but she dosnt want. Im the one who gets his heart broken over and over again but still has the love for her to look her in the eye and say " I will always love you" and all she can say is "haha ok" . How and why do I keep putting myself through this constant rejection? MAYBE it is the fact that she keeps leading me on, all of her escapades and things that she does. and after kissing me she has the nerve to tell me about the guy she likes. This is way to much for me. I want to let her go. Im trying to let her go. But I see her smile and all I can do is fall right back in love with her. Its not a creepy stalker love it is a I want to protect her from anything that would ever hurt her kind of love. Its hard to explain. I feel like it is something I can only feel once in my life and she is the one I feel it for. But she dosnt feel that same way. I dont know why I keep doing this. Hopefully over the summer ill find someone. Someone who will love up to my extreamiliy high expectations. I guess a series of bad g/f's tends to make one not want to try that hard to obtain a girl. I really dont get this life I am living. Its all a lie. It really is.

I called Luke today. He is all into this one girl who simply thinks he is an idiot. Sound familiar. Now he thinks she is a bitch and he dont like her no more. Thats Luke...Get um all done. I went surfing with Jay and Joe on Mooonnndaaayyyyy. I cant say it went to well it was more or less just a day to sit on the beach and admire the beauty of the ocean. I love it there. After college im all about me some beach front property down in va. beach. Cant go to far from my roots. Jay got a realy bad sunburn. I dont know what those feel like i've never burned before but they look pretty painful not something I would want to endure.

Today I went to training. only a few days left then I am all certified. Thank god.

no more to say right now.

I just hope a certain person can accept what I am telling her not as an insult but as a way of telling her how I feel. How I really feel. I do not want to keep things from her. And how I feel is one of them. I hope she understands what i am saying and how I feel.

Parker

Super=The last couplea days. I hung out with a bunch of my friends on Friday. We all sat around and talked about alot a pointless intresting stuff. Like bathrooms and sleeping positions. We ate alot a food. Ive put on a few pounds. Like 3 to be exact. I wore Kelsea's cloths and they were tight. They use to fit...kinda. They have always been snug but this was painful. Its July now. so its the halfway point of the summer. in september-college. yes.

saw White Chicks it was funny. It reminded me alot of Kelsea....cause she acts like that. And Luke said it reminded him of Angela cause she acts like that. And she does. It was funny though I reccomend it.

Tomorrow im going surfing down at the beach. I went on Friday but the waves were nothing. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Peace.

Parker

Bored.



NC girls are the best damn lookin girls I ever did see. I know one in VA who makes them all look like shit though.

Oral sex is against the law? No way. huh weird.



I think I best be steppin. late

Parker

The past few days have been pretty hectic. I dont know. i feel like people are changing and like I have no one to trust. I honestly just cant wait to be away from all this crap thats going on. Theres nothing keeping me here. Theres nothing I want here anymore. I just want to go away to college and never come back. Never talk to any of these people here. A few I want to keep in touch with but a majority are just people who play mind games and crake your heart for fun.....Yea its something along those lines. I guess that all I truely want right now is just to be gone. Thats all. I guess I like it here but the longer I stay the worse everything gets. Atleast that is my take on it. I have nothing keeping me here. No one who I love anymore. So basically im just here to finish school then im gone. Its cool we are off school today because if we were'nt then I would have to go to school and have 53354654136416384143647683413143684783641364 peopple ask me whats wrong. When I know for a fact I cannot explain it.  I could try but no one would understand.

More then anything I hate what she is now. She isnt the girl who I loves or the girl I miss. Shes something completely diffrent, shes a person who thinks she is better then people. She thinks because she has good looks she can treat guys bad but they will still want her in the end. Nah sorry hunny it dont work that way. If you treat us like crap and talk alot of crap and play with our heads were just going to hate you. Second chances are out of the question. Maybe we can work it out someday but right now your the last thing I need to make my world awful.

It rained all weekend and it was cold. So that didnt help my mood at all. It looks dreary im going to feel dreary.

School tomorrow. Next week the underclassmen are doing Exams I think. I dont know. I guess they are. Ive fallen out of the loop with all the little kids lately. Because.....freshman girls are mean and they lie and play with your emetions. Yea this coming from a senior.

I hope everyone elses week is better then mine.

Today was pretty lame.


This weekend I flexed for kelsea. She liked it.hahaha.


Soon enough it will all make sense. I know it.

Kelsea is gay

hahah some pictures of me and Sam jussss foooo yeeewwww.


hahah Love you parker you crack face. :)










You rock my world.




ow wo earl you rock my world.


:) :) :) :) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Hey baby guess what.... I hacked into your computer. Well your journal anyway. haha :) you know you like it. Well i loved your musculars!!!!!!!! Me and sam both. And shes right here next to me being my partner in crime. :) :) :)!! Well hmm...who was the blonde boy in the passanger seat :) mmm mmm!! haha. Well you have a nice day now.
Looooooove.
Kelsea and sam.

Please don't hurt me
I have told you
All my love is all i've got
And tomorrow is the day
When I for your sake
I'm coming back

And you tell me
That i don't love you

I'm trying hard to make you jealous
Trying harder to make you stay
Days are longer
Night are crazy
It's so strange when you're away

And you tell me
That i don't love you
Please
Let me come to you
And stay this time

And you tell me
That i don't love you
Oh you know
That it's just not true





thats for her.

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllll...today was gay. I dont understand me and hers relationship much anyway. We do everything a boyfriend and girlfriend do but we dont have the title? I dont know, I like her more then she knows..but she cant see that. I can understand where she is coming from though. In the past I havent dont much to prove that I like her as much I say I do. So if she is iffy its understandable. But I cant sit around for months on end trying to figure out what she feels for me. You know? It gets old wanting someone and then in the end falling just short of having them.

Yea random I know.

But Im not sure im even going Friday...so if im the one who is giving you a ride you better find another one. I have trainging and unless i can get out of it, it wont happen.

Luke...what do you have to talk to her so bad for? I would just like to know. You planning on screwing it up again?

Damn my family is loud as hell..this is gay. I hope things all work out in the end. DAMMMNNNN ITTTT! I just want everything to go back like 2 months to relive everything that happened. This is fucked up.

Commit me to memory...because when Im gone thats all you'll have.

last night was so dope.

Kelsea you should have been there. My mom said to tell you to call her sometime becase she needs to talk to you. ?? I dont know but just do it.

haha Pete, im sorry we set your cloths in fire but we were high.

luke........ha. Weed.



and so again last night it came to the i cant have fun because shes not here bit. This is really begenning to become really gay. Im leaving for college in the fall and im still attached to her? I thhought it would be gone by now. I know she knows who she is. She has to. Theres no possible way she dosnt. I want to let go so dont think im holding on because its something I want to do.

So my mom was shit faced last night and couldnt tell I was high as hell when I came in late. I think she had some guy over but im not sure. Theres always some guy there. I dont really like it. But she can do what she wants. My whole life its been like I have really good friends and not parents. I have liked it though. I guess I turned out alright.

I want to go surfing right now. Cant though..its too late.

We smoked all our weed last night. So im all cleaned out. Im gunna needa buy some more. holy shit we smoked all our weed last night put together all 11 of us. holy fuck. Thats has to be some sort of record damn.

Im about to go see a movie with luke. What girls are tryin to holler? haha. yea

later
Parker.

im sick of all you people who think you have it all figured out.
Cause you dont know the first thing about me.
im sick of people who wont move on with their lives.
im sick of people who lie
and im sick of people who say they love you but change their minds after you make one mistake.

I need her back. More then anything in the world. I need her back to be happy. She dosnt understand because she dosnt need me like i need her anymore.

Kelsea, beach? Tomorrow? let me know.

I dont have time to sit here and think about everything because that isnt what I do. I bury it and pretend I never felt it.

an empty Pepsi bottle on my floor. I wonder what the Coca Cola people have to say tp that.

Kelsea's interpretation of me

yet she loves me

my anklet she stole...


so thats how it goesssss millions of people livin as foeeeeees

Lets learn how to love and forget how to hate.

Tomorrow is school. yea.